Waxing Moon Page 4

  Mr. O massaged his wife’s shoulder. She fit into his embrace like a spineless creature; his first wife had felt as stiff as a bamboo stick. He laughed, knowing that Mistress Yee wouldn’t have kowtowed one hundred eight times for anything. But one never knew. She might have done it for her son, he thought. People changed. Yes, people did.

  “Well done, my little lamb,” he said.

  “What is this?” She sat up. “What did you write? Is this for me?” A smile rippled around her lips.

  Mr. O confessed what it was for. Mistress Yee laughed flightily, showing her white teeth. “You shouldn’t do that to that creature. She was as ugly as a forgotten pumpkin in the winter field. This adds insult to injury.” She laughed once again but this time indignantly.

  Gently untangling himself from his wife’s limbs, Mr. O tried to put his calligraphy aside. He was a bit self-conscious about his choice for the baby girl’s name. It was definitely unfashionable.

  “So what motivates you to do this?” Mistress Yee asked, with a strain in her voice. She would have bitten him if she could.

  “The midwife came by this afternoon and demanded a name for the girl,” he answered, still thinking about the dream in the back of his mind.

  “So you waited until I left to do this!” she cried, raising her eyebrows suspiciously.

  “Why are you so upset? I am doing my duty or else I will be mocked. The midwife criticized me already. I felt like an idiot in front of her,” Mr. O grumbled.

  Mistress Yee wondered if Mrs. Wang was in any way related to the dead whore. She had called Mistress Kim a whore on the nights when her husband had chosen to be with her and Mistress Yee lay alone, consumed with jealousy and a feeling of utter defeat.

  “So who is this fatso called Mrs. Wang? Is someone else paying her? What does she gain in this game of getting a name for the ugly infant girl?” Mistress Yee asked coquettishly.

  “The peasant woman wants another payment, which I will send promptly. I can’t let the peasants gossip about me,” Mr. O said.

  “What do you mean? I sent the woman more than most peasants earn in a lifetime!”

  Mr. O lit his pipe and puffed smoke with a blank expression. He wanted to send the name to Mrs. Wang as soon as possible, so that he could forget about it. He knew no other woman like Mrs. Wang. She had stared at him directly, as if he had done something wrong to her personally. In any case, he didn’t want to see her again.

  5

  Nani was on her way to see Mrs. Wang. It was after early breakfast, and the air was clean and so crisp she could almost touch it as she walked on the dirt road up the hill.

  Her mother had come with Mistress Kim when she married into Mr. O’s family. Nani was an infant when she arrived with her mother, who had worked as Mistress Kim’s nanny since her birth. Some years before, Nani’s mother had died of pneumonia, and Mistress Kim had promised that she would marry Nani off to a decent man. But unfortunately, Mistress Kim had also passed away. Nani hadn’t known how lonely she would be without Mistress Kim, who had shown more gentleness and kindness than her mother sometimes; most of the time actually. Nani had been having dreams about her mistress lately, and she would wake up in the middle of the night, unable to breathe for a moment. Mistress Kim always appeared with so much blood on her face and clothes. “Mistress, why is there so much blood on you? Whatever happened? Speak, I beg you.” But Mistress Kim would gaze far away without a word. Then she would collapse and sob heartrendingly, and Nani would scream and wake up. The other maids were irritated by her hysteria so early in the morning.

  Birds with bright orange chests were chirping on the branches of trees as Nani passed by. She used to ask her mother how she could fly, and her mother had replied that she would fly if she was born again as a bird. Once, Nani had asked what her mother would like to be born as in her next life. Her mother thought for a moment and said that she would like to be born as Nani’s mother again.

  Tears bunched up in her throat as she thought of her mother. Her mother would never be born again as her mother, she thought. If she were born again now, her mother would be younger than she was. So how could her mother ever be her mother again?

  Nani looked back again and again as she climbed up the hill, swallowing her tears. Then she spotted Min. He was coming, after all. She had told him the night before about her errand, and he had nodded in agreement, but in the morning he was not outside waiting for her. So she left without him. Now he was coming hurriedly, with his mouth slightly open, as if he would say something. Nani didn’t look back anymore; she climbed up faster now.

  Min caught up with her in no time. Now he was right behind her. She could hear him breathe. Without acknowledging each other they climbed for a while. Finally, she was out of breath. When she reached the middle point of the hill, she decided to sit under the old pine tree. Her chest was rising and falling rapidly, and the blood rushed to her cheeks and lips. Her mouth was completely dry. White flowers stood under the pine tree arrogantly, as if claiming the place as their own.

  Min sat away from the tree and was looking down the hill. The sun was already blazing down on their village.

  Nani observed Min, who plucked a pine needle from a branch and began to pick his teeth while looking at his dusty toe peeking out of a worn straw shoe. He watched Nani studying the flowers. He moaned, smiling stupidly, baring his front teeth. Tufts of his hair extended in all directions, manifesting how he had slept. He moaned again smiling broadly. Nani sighed involuntarily for something as small as a seed felt stuck in her chest. But her lips curled up.

  He got up and Nani flushed, not knowing where to look. He came close—still smiling—picked one of the white flowers, and put it in her hair. You look as pretty, he groaned, waving his hand in the air. She shot a fierce glance at him and ran up the hill. Min walked, frowning pathetically with all his facial muscles.

  Inseparable they had been in their childhood. But when Nani was no longer a child and Min had begun to develop strong arm muscles, Nani’s mother pulled his ear, looked straight in his eyes, and said, “Stay away from my girl. I can’t afford to have a son-in-law without a patch of land. You hear me?” All he wanted was to take care of Nani, but he stayed away from her until, serendipitously, her mother died in the middle of the harsh winter. For the first year after her death, Nani was in mourning, the second year she rejected him, the third year she was upset about everything, and now, in the fourth year, she seemed to be mad only at him. But once in a while, Min found a piece of meat tucked under rice or a boiled egg in his lunchbox and his raggedy shirt hemmed.

  Min walked a little faster until he noticed that Nani lagged behind. There were thick bushes of mountain berries ahead of him. He picked up a fallen branch and bent the thorny bushes to make it easier for Nani to pass by. Suddenly, Nani screamed frantically. There was a cat snake in the middle of the dirt path, its head cocked but motionless. Min advanced carefully toward the venomous creature. He threw the branch at its head, but the snake was faster than him. It disappeared into the earth.

  Nani burst out crying, her shoulders shuddering, but she marched forward. When her crying subsided, Min went ahead of her and opened his palm. It was full of mountain raspberries, some of which had been crushed and bled on his palm. Without meeting his eyes, she picked a few and dropped them in her mouth. They were tart. Min dropped a few in his mouth and gave the rest to Nani.

  The last stretch to Mrs. Wang’s house was the steepest. Min squatted in front of Nani, inviting her for a piggyback ride. He had done that so many times when she was a little girl, but this was the first time since they had gotten older. Nani hesitated for a moment but got on his back.

  Min produced a hideous but familiar moan of happiness and raced up the hill.

  Nani held on to his shoulders, which felt like rocks smoothed by the water on the seashore over the years. It was a hot day, b
ut she didn’t mind the extra warmth and the moisture on his back. She realized that this was the feeling she had craved for some time, but she didn’t connect it with her recent unnamable frustrations. There was no one on earth she trusted more than Min. He was a parent, a brother, a friend, and a husband already, in her mind, though she knew there had to be more to it once Min really became her husband. Her mother had said, “Stay away from him. Once a servant, always a servant. He’s got a good heart, but a good heart doesn’t get you a roof over your head. You will understand what Mama means later. But don’t you forget what Mama says.” At that time, she wasn’t interested in him, so what her mother said about Min didn’t register in her mind. But now she vaguely understood what she might have meant. Once a maid, always a maid. After Mistress Kim’s death, Nani had felt completely lost. She was demoted to kitchen maid and was doing errands of all kinds and getting orders even from that stupid maid of Mistress Yee’s. She could run away and forget about everything and marry some stranger with a roof over his head, as her mother would have liked her to. But would life without Min be possible?

  She slapped Min’s shoulder violently and said, “Slow down. I am going to throw up if you go that fast.”

  Min moaned again with sheer pleasure and adjusted his pace. Nani was as light as a feather. He could run to the next village and not feel tired at all. His heart was burning with desire to do anything for Nani, and yet doing nothing seemed to be what she wanted him to do.

  “I want to get down. Let me down,” Nani kicked her feet in the air. Mrs. Wang’s house was in sight.

  Min let her down carefully and felt the chill on his back. She still had the white flower in her hair. No woman on earth could measure up to his girl’s beauty.

  Before they reached Mrs. Wang’s gate, Nani turned around, pulling his sleeve toward her, and asked, “Do you want to run away with me?”

  6

  Min lingered near the entrance while Nani presented a piece of paper wrapped in a cloth to Mrs. Wang. It was the name for Mr. O’s daughter.

  Mrs. Wang unfolded the paper and placed it on the wooden bench. She looked at it for a moment. She guffawed suddenly and thundered, “Beautiful Flower! You can’t live on a name like that. It gives you no base to live on. Beautiful flowers last only one season.”

  Nani sat in front of Mrs. Wang, looking at the writing upside down, and she followed Mrs. Wang’s logic and understood it.

  “Well, let me put this away for now. I’ll get drinks for us.” Mrs. Wang got up and went to the kitchen. Nani motioned to Min, who was patting the dog, to come over and sit. He came over reluctantly but didn’t sit. He hadn’t officially been sent to Mrs. Wang. He had just tagged along with Nani.

  Mrs. Wang brought out three bowls of a seven-grain drink. She drank half of hers at once, and then she encouraged them to partake of theirs.

  “Was this all you brought?” Mrs. Wang asked, wondering about the payment for Jaya.

  “Oh, Mistress Yee said she would send the fee to the nursing mother soon, Mrs. Wang. This afternoon, in fact, Mrs. Wang,” Nani said.

  For some reason, Nani liked Mrs. Wang. She was fearless and loud and present.

  “Sit down and drink,” Mrs. Wang said to Min.

  So he sat on the stone step where shoes were kept, and he drank, watching Nani intently.

  “Tell me something,” Mrs. Wang began. “When your mistress was dying—before I arrived, of course—I was with Jaya, whose son’s enormous head was stuck and wouldn’t come out. Anyway, what exactly happened that night?” Mrs. Wang gulped down her drink and stared at Nani.

  “What do you mean, Mrs. Wang?” Nani asked looking puzzled.

  “You don’t need to say my name at the end of every sentence,” Mrs. Wang said emphatically.

  “I understand, Mrs. Wang,” Nani said. “I am sorry, Mrs. Wang.”

  Mrs. Wang sucked on the roof of her mouth, but she realized that she wasn’t going to change the maid’s habit. She drank the last drop of her drink and encouraged them again to drink up theirs too.

  “When your mistress was in labor and you thought she was dying, did you just watch her?” Mrs. Wang asked, looking at Nani critically.

  “I didn’t know she was dying, Mrs. Wa—, I mean, I thought she was in pain because the baby was coming. But Mistress Kim asked me in the evening, a couple of hours before you arrived, Mrs. Wa—, my mistress asked me to go and tell Mr. O to fetch the doctor, but Mr. O had just entered Mistress Yee’s quarters. When I went to Mistress Yee’s quarters, her maid stood like a guard dog, blocking me from advancing. I told her I needed to tell Mr. O that my mistress was in need of medical attention, but she said that she would tell him herself. I waited around. And then,” Nani paused, looking uncomfortable and hesitant.

  “And then what?” Mrs. Wang asked.

  “And then,” Nani began to shed tears, “I went back to my mistress. She was delirious. I kept telling her that the doctor was coming any minute. But it didn’t seem she heard me anyway.”

  Standing by the wooden pole that was holding the front part of the thatched roof, Min observed Nani dry her eyes and blow her nose. He wanted to comfort her but stayed still, scratching his head, stealing a glimpse of Mrs. Wang occasionally.

  “And I still see her in my dreams. She always dies with so much blood all over her.” Nani sobbed now.

  “It wasn’t your fault. It was time for her soul to leave her body.” Mrs. Wang turned to Min and asked, “Why don’t you do me a favor while you are here? Can you split some firewood for me?”

  Min grunted briefly in agreement and began to chop a bundle of logs with a maul.

  “Mrs. Wang, will you please not tell anyone what I just said to you?” Nani pleaded.

  “Why, I am going to shout what you said from the top of the hill.” Mrs. Wang chuckled.

  “I promised I wouldn’t breathe a word about this, Mrs. Wang,” Nani said, looking agitated.

  “To whom did you promise what?”

  “Mi-Mirae,” Nani stuttered. “Mistress Yee’s maid. She thinks she is a friend of Mistress Yee’s. And now Mirae bosses us maids around,” Nani grumbled.

  “So did she ask you to promise something?”

  “Well, not exactly. When Mr. O heard the news of Mistress Kim’s death after breakfast the next morning, he must have wanted to know why he hadn’t been informed earlier, and why the doctor hadn’t been called in. Mistress Yee had told me that I should say, if asked, that Mistress Kim had died suddenly, before we even had a chance to call the doctor,” she said, looking uncomfortable.

  Mistress Yee hadn’t spoken to Nani. It was her maid, Mirae, who had brought her a pair of new shoes and told her to keep her mouth shut or else she would not live to see the last day of her destiny. Nani had rolled her eyes, flabbergasted, at the way Mirae had employed the authority of her mistress. She did inspect the new shoes as soon as Mirae had left. They were beautiful, but they didn’t fit her. Out of self-respect, she had to stop herself from running after Mirae and demanding a pair of shoes that fit her. In the end, Nani didn’t have to lie about anything, for Mr. O had not asked her about Mistress Kim.

  Now Mrs. Wang was asking about her mistress, and Nani realized that Mistress Kim might have been saved had the doctor been called promptly.

  Mrs. Wang changed the subject abruptly. “Your boy has a wart on the back of his hand.”

  “He’s got warts everywhere,” Nani snapped, and then blushed deeply. She couldn’t face Mrs. Wang. Min had another wart on the heel of his right foot. She hadn’t meant to say “everywhere.” There was no way to prove her innocence, but Mrs. Wang did not look shocked.

  “Take a dandelion by the stem, and rub the milky juice directly onto the warts for a week or so. They will go away like snow melts in the spring,” Mrs. Wang advised her.

  Nani kept her
glance away from Min, who was now stacking up the split wood by the chicken cage. There were fourteen new bright yellow chicks in the cage. Min widened his eyes like a child. With a corner of his mouth lopsided, he drooled because he forgot to swallow his saliva. Then a grin spread across his face.

  Suddenly, Nani sprang up and said, “Oh, laundry! I need to boil the laundry. I must get back.”

  “Don’t forget the dandelion. Warts spread. Even to other people,” Mrs. Wang said as Nani got up.

  Nani blushed again. Min bowed down to Mrs. Wang and groaned to thank her for the drink. Nani, still blushing furiously, left with him.

  7

  Beyond the main gate of the temple there were two more gates. Between the second and third gates stood four hideous wooden guardians, two on each side, looking down on visitors with their colorfully painted, bulging eyes. One of them held an iron sword in the air as if about to strike the visitors if they were proven to be unworthy.

  This was the second time that Mirae had visited the temple with her mistress. There was something eerie about the place. Now she began to dread spending an entire day there.

  Mistress Yee stepped onto the temple grounds. The deafening silence sank in her heart, and she felt powerless. She wanted to feel superior at all times, but in the temple she was made to feel small. It was like stepping into a painting: she became frozen, voiceless, an unnoticeable part of the whole.

  The novice monks with shaved heads walked around with their glances low, absolutely unaffected by her incontestable elegance and beauty. Mistress Yee didn’t matter. She was just another lump of moving flesh.

  As she approached the main hall, she could no longer hear her own footsteps on the sandy path. Instead, the daily chanting of the Heart Sutra and the sound of the wooden hand bells rumbled steadily.

  Mistress Yee passed the pagoda. Mirae followed slightly behind her. Mistress Yee took off her shoes and entered the main hall, where visitors were allowed to offer incense and meditate. A colossal brass Shakyamuni was seated in the middle, gesturing with graceful hands. Mirae arranged her mistress’s shoes before she took off her own shoes and followed her in.